I want to push it. I REALLY want to push it. The “Drama Button”, or the “Panic Button” – that button that, in the movies, starts a nuclear meltdown with all the alarms blaring. The one that James Bond is protecting with all of his might. It is so very tempting… when “bad” stuff happens…
The thing is, I’m not sure it is very helpful. I can’t think with those alarms going off in my head. They take a toll on my body and I feel exhausted. I also feel emotionally drained. And I see no solutions. Only the big problem(s). When I’m like that I feel powerless and hopeless.
I know all this. And still… it is so very appealing to push the darn thing!!
For years I tried to contain the meltdowns, to deactivate the drama and to fight against it. But I was going about it the wrong way. Because I wanted the pendulum to swing immediately in the opposite direction, I usually dug in deeper.
Until I heard someone channel these words of wisdom: you can’t immediately stop a train that’s going 100 miles an hour. Even if you could, it wouldn’t be very pleasant for the people inside. So first you have to slow it down. Even Superman knew that.
This is what I now call “Pushing the Stop Button”.
Reaching for these general feelings:
Neutral. A car parked safely in a garage. The color beige.
Indifferent. How I feel about heavy industrial machines and antiques.
Afloat. A cork bobbing on the water.
I try to contemplate these feelings and let them sink in. I can’t say I immediately feel better, but I feel more contained. And calmer. Also, the alarms are not blaring (or I can barely hear them in the background).
Then I move on. To an episode of one of my favorite series. And a night of sleep.
And then, at some point. I start realizing that there are other buttons on the dashboard.
But that’s another story.