Quora: “How do I overcome my self-esteem issues?” Answering a question on not feeling beautiful enough.

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I feel like I’m that “ugly friend”. All the girls in my social circle are attractive and frequently get attention from guys. In my case, boys usually make sarcastic comments about me like “OHHH SHE’S SO HOT”, which I guess are subtle insults.

ANSWER:

Hello there,

I completely understand and feel for you – as a teenager I used to feel like the “ugly duckling” a lot. I had a face full of freckles, I am of average height and I thought I was the ugly friend.

The thing is… in the story, the ugly duckling GROWS UP and she becomes a beautiful swan!

This is how it can happen for you:

  1. Your body will transform and when you will stop growing you will end up with radiant features. The features in and of themselves are not even that important, as what shows up on them. (Have you known “ beautiful” people who are really ugly because they are mean and dumb?)
  2. Because you are smart and self-aware (your question shows this), you will invest in your education, you will empower yourself by making great choices and you will build yourself a nice life, full of passion and meaning. This is INCREDIBLY attractive to real men (which you will meet then), not boys who are dorky enough to make sneering comments in front of everyone. And by the way, they are as insecure as you are – if not more. Trust me on this one. Don’t fall for the show they put on.
  3. With your life experience and knowledge of the world, you will develop your unique sense of style – you will also get educated and have access to hair stylists, nice clothes etc. so you can take care of yourself and enhance your natural beauty.

I used to know a young woman who told herself “It’s not important to be the most beautiful, it’s having that “Come here, you!” thing that matters!”.

It may feel uncomfortable right now, but take heart. Think long-term.

The other thing to consider is this: some people peak in high-school in college, then slowly decline (and say those were the best years of their life). Others bloom later – and do so with grace and power, staying attractive all of their life and saying “This, right now, is the best time of my life!”. Which one do you think you are? 🙂

Read. Develop yourself. Choose friends – and boys – who care for your heart. Looks matter, yes, but do you want them to matter to EVERYONE or to the right person?

Christine

(blissfully married to a man who thinks I am very attractive – and to whom I am very attracted even though he is not the sex-symbol of his generation either. But masculine, he is – and very kind and super smart.)

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