This expression, “the haves and the have nots”, usually refers to money. But it struck me today that I have been a “have not” for decades in so many unjust, narrow, obsessive ways that the world around me must have banged its metaphorical head against the wall practically daily with frustration.
Let me explain…
We are going on vacation today. Tonight, actually. Which, this morning, meant that I had to drive almost two hundred miles for an ultrasound (I am 5 months pregnant), do said ultrasound, rush back to pick up my 3 y.o. from school, make lunch for everyone (my husband is home to prepare for the trip), iron a few clothes that I need to take with me, pack our bags (mine and my son’s), make dinner, give him a bath and manage to get at least four hours of sleep.
No wonder I was feeling cranky and overwhelmed.
I huffed and puffed on the freeway, on the way to the doctor’s office, because I had the impression that a bunch of drivers were road-raging all over the place… much more than usual.
Then, the doctor was half an hour late. It was somebody new too, as my regular doctor is on maternity leave… then the nurse just left the nurses station and didn’t say when she was coming back…
I was not having a good day… but somewhere in the middle of all that aggravation and overwhelm, it suddenly dawned on me that I was practicing, with great gusto, the feeling of “have not”.
I had: no peace of mind; no time to breathe; no ease and flow; no good thoughts in my head; no patience; no… no… no… I didn’t have… much of what I wanted…
I was thunderstruck because, in all honesty, I have been practicing these things for YEARS!
I’ve been amongst the poor in good feelings for decades, before I decided to make myself rich in feeling good!
These days I know how to turn it around – and I have great moments like the one I have just described.
Which makes me feel incredibly blessed and squarely amongst the “haves” – the haves of joy, of peace, of plenty of time, of these gorgeous flowers that sprouted all over our forest this spring… (why hadn’t I noticed them before??)…
Now I must go to sleep because we will wake up in the middle of the night – we have a very long way ahead of us. We love car trips in our family and my husband prefers driving at night. It’s all good.
But, for the record, there is an abundance of gummy bears in my life.
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