Today was a so-called “ordinary” day for me. I put ordinary between quotes because I don’t believe there are ordinary days, by the way… but that is another story.
For now, let’s just stick with ordinary in the sense of habitual, mostly repetitive, done-that-before-will-do-it-again sort of thing.
My son and I woke up in the morning, we had breakfast, I ironed a basket of clothes while he watched a cartoon, we had lunch, we took a nap, we went to the park, I made dinner, my husband came home, we all ate, then my son went to bed…
The thing is, it doesn’t feel like routine to me. I’d do it again and again and again… for the foreseeable future and beyond that. But that’s, again, not what I want to talk about.
I want to talk about the fact that the events of today did not warrant any WOW feelings.
There was nothing in my experience, today, that could have elicited excitement, enthusiasm, or any of the high-voltage emotions that we all crave so much – and that we all blame ourselves so much for not having when we don’t…
If life is a response to conditions, then… a lifetime like that would mean… probably… to a lot of people… total and utter boredom.
But life is NOT an automatic response to conditions.
We respond to the same conditions in different ways.
We respond to the same conditions, on different days and depending on our inner landscape at the moment, in different ways.
It is hard to believe though that we have the hand on the steering wheel because so much feels directed from outside.
The world has an endless supply of conditions and voices that tell us how to feel – according to… whoever happens to be louder, usually.
I was thinking about all that while I was walking through the park, nursing a certain kind of impatience because my son did not want to go home – and I had told him ten times already that we needed to go.
Impatience… irritation… boredom… this is what most of us swim in when “the routine” gets to us. Which, for many of us, is most days.
The thing is… where are the “Sunday feelings”? And what might they be, exactly?
You know, as in… if we have “Sunday clothes” and “Sunday china” – things that we reserve for special occasions… do we do the same with feelings?!
I know I did for a long time.
I had “good feelings” reserved for “only when x or y will happen.
For instance, to this day I am having problems with the feeling of “security”.
Sure, it is because I had so much trouble with it early on and my life was truly unstable and uncertain… but along the way I also internalized the message that it’s not okay to just feel “secure” or “safe” at will, the way I want to feel, say, relaxation.
Oh, no! That kind of feeling needs SPECIAL circumstances!
When I will earn X amount of money per month/week/day, THEN I will feel safe.
When everyone in my life will be nice and polite, THEN I will feel safe.
When I will know exactly what will happen to my life in a year or three or five, THEN I will feel safe.
But over the years I also noticed that sometimes the circumstances and conditions DID come – and I STILL didn’t feel the “special feelings” that I was craving so much!
I had the amount of money – and the nice people – and the five-year plan – and I STILL didn’t feel safe.
And safe is just an example.
I could go with abundance and poise and grace and luxury and extravagance (in the good sense, of course) as examples just as well.
My “Sunday feelings”…
At some point I decided to “bring out the good china” though.
Never mind material things… using them for day-to-day use to feel like a pampered god-child of the Universe… how about the AWESOME FEELINGS?!
I think about that every single day. And try to cultivate one of the “special”, “rare” ones.
For today, it was poise. I walked around for a while like I had it made. Like… really made. And it felt awesome – and very, very special. For no reason at all.
This is how every day can be a celebration.
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